Naming a kid should be a pleasant milestone, but it can sometimes elicit unexpected emotions. This new mother kept her baby girl’s name a secret until the last moment, wanting to surprise her family. However, when she eventually told it, her decision elicited a reaction that might forever alter her relationships and life.

I’m going through a tricky situation, and I’d love to hear some thoughts that might help me figure it out. After my son was born, I told my parents I’d chosen the name, Chris. My dad’s face went pale, and my mom’s forced smile didn’t hide her discomfort. Moments later, my dad excused himself, claiming he felt unwell. He said he’d come over in a few days to help with the baby.

When we were alone, my mom anxiously urged me to change the name, insisting there was a reason Chris wasn’t an option. I refused. I’ve been released home with my baby and dad hasn’t talked to me that much since then. We used to talk every day, so I was confused by this sudden behavior.

I called my mom and asked her what was the reason for this behaviour and she yelling and crying on the phone. About 20 years ago, she had an affair with her ex-boyfriend named Chriss. Dad hasn’t been talking to her, and she’s been trying to get him to talk. She begged dad not to leave her, and he stayed, but just hearing that name had always put him in a bad headspace.

My husband had a brother who p.a.s.s.e.d away when he was a baby, and we decided on this name to honor him. This name means so much to us and we don’t want to change. I feel like this is tearing the family apart, but what about the family that I’m about to create? What should I do?